Dog Warden Service
Coping with the death of your dog
Dogs give us so much as companions - they can be a source of
unconditional love, comfort and stability. They provide us
with a sense of being needed and valued as well as non-judgemental
acceptance of our failings. However, an unfortunate
disadvantage of dogs is their comparatively short lifespans.
Naturally, owners avoid thinking about their pet dying, so
whatever the cause of death, they are seldom prepared for the loss
when it comes. We hope that this information will help you
with the practical and emotional realities of losing a much-loved
pet.
Psychologists recognise that the feelings experienced by owners
after the deaths of their dog are comparable to those felt after
losing close human friends or relatives. Unfortunately not
everyone understands the intense grief that can follow the passing
of a pet and there is nothing worse than hearing a friend or
relative (no matter how well the meaning) telling you to pull
yourself together because it was "just a dog". When they have
gone, there is a big empty space in your life.
It has been estimated that less than a quarter of all dogs die
peacefully in their sleep of 'old age' or natural causes, which
means that most dog owners will have to go through the trauma of
having a dog put to sleep. Although this decision can be one
of the hardest that you'll have to make, depending on the
circumstances it may also be the kindest thing that you'll ever do
for your pet.
How can you tell when the time is right? Your vet will be
a good guide to help you make the decision; however, ultimately it
must rest with you and your family. Don't make any rash
decisions that you may regret at a later stage. Here are some
questions you can ask yourself that will help you decide if your
dog has a good enough quality of life to justify keeping him
going.
With the necessary veterinary attention, can your dog:
- Eat and drink enough to maintain normal body function?
- Breath without difficulty?
- Urinate and defecate normally, without discomfort or
distress?
- Walk and move well enough to get around without falling or risk
of injury?
Is your dog:
- Still interested in life, playful and affectionate?
- Free from pain, serious discomfort or distress?
If the answer to one or more of these questions is "no" then you
may have to consider euthanasia for you pet.
It is common for owners of elderly dogs to put off taking their
pets to the vet if they think there is something wrong with them,
as they fear that euthanasia will be the only option
available. However, if problems are spotted early enough then
this need not be the only course of action and treatment can be
given to prolong a good quality of life. Twice yearly
veterinary check-ups and immediate attention for possible problems
are essential for an ageing dog, to pick up any life-threatening
conditions before they become untreatable.
Euthanasia means 'gentle or easy death' - but what actually
happens? A dog is euthanased by an intravenous injection of a
barbiturate, usually in the foreleg, which is basically an overdose
of anaesthetic. The dog should feel no more pain that the
usual prick felt when being given an injection. In a few
seconds the dog is completely unconscious and so doesn't feel a
thing as his breathing slows down, cardiac arrest follows and then
finally comes death. Sometimes a dog may be given a sedative
beforehand especially if he is usually upset by the presence of a
vet or by being in a veterinary surgery. After death, the
body of the dog may experience muscle spasms leading to trembling
legs or sudden gasps, and there may be some loss of bowel and
bladder control. This can be distressing to see but it is a
good idea to be prepared.
It is up to you whether you choose to stay with your dog at this
time or not. Whilst some owners like to stay to comfort their
pet, others may feel that their own sadness or distress would only
make it worse for their dog. If you choose not to remain
during the procedure, it may be a good idea to ask to see the body
afterwards for a final farewell.
Most pets are euthanased at a veterinary surgery because the
procedure can be carried out easily with veterinary nurses
available to assist. However, it may be possible to arrange
for a home visit if you think this will be less traumatic for your
dog. You will probably be charged an extra call-out fee on
top of the basic charge, but if your dog is usually terrified of
going to the vet it may be worth paying the extra for peace of
mind. Be prepared for the vet to take your dog's body away in
a black plastic bag if you have arranged for a cremation to take
place. This may seem undignified, but is essential for health
and safety reasons.
If you are lucky enough to have warning that your dog is going
to be euthanased then it will help you to take some time to say
goodbye to him. Spend some special time with your dog, spoil
him rotten and indulge him in food and treats that are forbidden
under usual circumstances.
Try to plan ahead as much as possible, as it can be too
traumatic to make informed decisions when you are in the initial
shock stages after death. If you have warning that your dog's
death is imminent, then discuss the options available with your vet
beforehand. How to dispose of the deceased pet is a very
personal decision. Some people feel that the dogs remains are
merely an empty shell since the 'essence' or life of the dog has
departed and can therefore simply be disposed of by the vet, whilst
others may want to keep the dog close to them, by burying the body
in their garden, or by arranging an individual cremation, and
keeping the ashes. Whatever you choose as your dog's final
resting place, remember that this decision is totally valid, and
friends or relatives have no right to criticise, even if they
consider it a waste of time and money. It is important for
you to make the right decision at this time, as it can affect the
grieving process. As with humans, there are two options for
disposal of your dog's body - cremation or
burial.
Your dog's remains can be buried in your own garden or in a pet
cemetery.
- If you choose to bury your pet's body in your garden, then you
should check with your local authority that they have no
objections, since deceased pets are classed as clinical
waste. The body will have to be buried at least 1.25 m deep
and should be well away from ponds, streams, wells, underground
pipes and cables. Remember not to bury your pet in a plastic
sheet or bag, as this will prevent the natural decaying
process. Instead, bury your pet in a towel or his favourite
blanket. Home burial is one of the cheapest and most personal
ways of disposing of your dog's body, as you have to perform the
task yourself. Seeing your dog's grave every day can help you
to accept your pet's death more quickly, but may be quite upsetting
at first. However, with time, it can be a real comfort to
feel that he is close by.
- If you would like to have your pet buried at home, but are
unable to do so, then an alternative is a pet cemetery.
Although the most expensive option, they can offer a complete
service, from collecting your pet's body to preparing the grave and
performing the burial. They may also sell coffins, memorial
stones and some can arrange a simple funeral or memorial service at
the time of burial. This is a much more formal way of
disposing of your dog's remains than burying in your garden, with
the benefit of still being able to visit the grave, even if you
move house. The costs of using a pet cemetery vary (£180 -
£350) and there may be an annual maintenance charge to
pay.
The cremation of pets is becoming increasingly popular as a
method of disposal as it is a practical, hygienic and dignified
process.
- If you have left your dog's body to be 'routinely' disposed of
by your vet then communal cremation is commonly used. The
combined ashes are usually buried within the crematorium grounds.
This is a simple and inexpensive method of disposal and is
particularly suited to those who do not attach any significance or
importance to the body after death.
- If you would like to keep your dog's ashes, then you will need
to arrange an individual cremation, either through your vet or
directly with a crematorium. This will be more expensive than
the communal method (£60 - £120) but, as with cemeteries, a full
range of services may be offered. The body should be
collected and the ashes returned to you as arranged, along with a
certificate guaranteeing that the ashes contained are those solely
of your pet. Different receptacles for the ashes can be
purchased - or there may be a memorial garden at the crematorium
where they can be scattered. You may choose to keep the
ashes, although many owners like to scatter them over the dog's
favourite spot in the garden or over part of his favourite
walk.
If you are unable to arrange a cremation or burial through your
vet, then contact the Association of Private Pet Cemeteries and
Crematoria for details of your nearest establishment - telephone
helpline 01252 844478 or email contact@appcc.org.uk or visit
their website at www.appcc.org.uk for further
information.
A grieving pet owner will experience a variety of emotions
including confusion and frustration. A feeling of isolation
may result from not feeling able to openly grieve, due to a fear of
being considered silly or overly sentimental about the death of an
animal by other people. It is important to recognise that it
is ok to take as much time to grieve and heal, as you find
necessary.
So what kind of feelings should you expect after a loss?
The following are universally recognised stages of grief, although
each person will experience them in their own particular way:
The first reaction you may feel when given the news that your
pet has died is one of shocked disbelief. A feeling of
numbness may be experienced which serves to protect against the
full impact of the loss. This feeling may last hours or days
and you may only fully accept that your pet is really gone as his
absence in the home becomes more obvious over time.
As the numbing effects of denial and shock disappear, the
reality of the situation emerges, bringing intense emotions and
pain. As self-defence mechanism these painful feelings may be
directed outwards as anger. This anger may be directed at
friends and family, your vet, complete strangers, other pets or
even inanimate objects. You may even be angry with your
deceased or dying dog, resenting him for the pain that he is
causing you to feel. The guilt resulting from feeling this
can make this anger worse, even though rationally you know that
your dog is not to blame. Guilt is a common feeling at this
time. The phrase "If only I'd done….differently" is
frequently used, although rarely is this guilt actually
justified. These feelings do fade and eventually you will be
able to accept that nothing you could have done would have made any
difference to the inevitable sad outcome.
Once anger and guilt have passed, emptiness remains that will
lead to depression and a period of 'true sadness'. Feelings
of hopelessness may be experienced and in some cases an owner may
feel that life isn't worth living without their pet. Extreme
anxiety may also be present, often leading to sudden bouts of
uncontrollable crying. Depression and anxiety should subside
over time. However, if these feelings persist then
professional counselling may be necessary to progress to acceptance
and recovery.
Acceptance is a further stage of grief and although it is
emotionally 'easier' than depression, it can still be a very sad
time. Acceptance comes as you adjust to the changes in your
life made by the passing of your pet and accept the reality of the
fact that your dog really has gone forever. Recovery is the
final part of the grieving process, where you come to terms with
your loss. It is now that you can look at photos of your pet
and recall fond memories of your time together with feelings of
affection and love, instead of anger and/or tears.
Some people find that actual physical symptoms may also be
present such as weakness, lack of energy, shortness of breath and
tightness in the throat or chest. Sleep or appetite
disturbances and absent-mindedness may also be experienced by the
bereaved.
The length and depth of the grief process depends on many
factors; the age of the owner and/or dog, the relationship between
dog and owner and the circumstances surrounding the death are all
contributory factors. Movements from one stage to another
will depend on the affected individual; some may progress quickly
through all of the stages, some may skip a stage or experience them
in a different order. Others may become 'stuck' in a
particular place and when this happens, the grieving process can
break down. Professional or 'outside' help may then be needed
to guide the grieving owner towards acceptance and recovery.
Time is usually the biggest healer for the grieving owner.
Grief comes in waves; large at first, but getting smaller and less
frequent over time. However, there are some ways to help to
speed the healing process and these include:
It's ok to be upset about the death of your dog - other people
won't know how much he/she meant to you and so shouldn't tell you
how long you are allowed to mourn. Take as long as you need
and cry as much as you like.
This helps to make the loss real and gives you an opportunity to
reflect and express your feelings. A brief funeral or
memorial gathering with close friends or family who knew your dog
will give everyone an opportunity to say goodbye and to recognise
their feelings and share there grief.
This will help you to realise that you are not alone in
experiencing these emotions and feelings and that they are, in
fact, perfectly normal.
Talking with others will help you to express your feelings and
come to terms with your loss. Consider attending a local
support group for bereaved pet owners if there is one
available.
Make an effort to get enough exercise, sleep and eat
properly. Treat and pamper yourself.
Contact a pet bereavement councillor or attend a support group
if you cannot cope alone or with help from your friends or
family.
Making the decision to seek help from a professional source is
not always easy. Apart from the fact that many people are too
embarrassed or ashamed to ask for help, some people are so wrapped
up in their grief that they don't actually realise that they need
some kind of assistance. Some find that talking about their
loss with someone who really understands can be very beneficial,
whilst others find their grief too personal and need to get help in
other ways.
If you feel that you would like to talk about your loss with a
trained pet bereavement councillor then you can ask your vet if
they can refer you to one locally; they may also have details of
local support groups. Alternatively you can ring the Pet
Bereavement Support Service which is run jointly by the Blue Cross
and the Society for Companion Animal Studies (SCAS) and get in
contact with your nearest befriender - a volunteer trained to deal
with bereavement problems. The service is a member of the
British Association for Counselling and can be a lifeline,
especially if you feel that you haven't finished mourning and your
friends and family no longer appear to be as sympathetic. You can
ring the support service helpline on 0800 096 6606 (8.30am - 5pm)
to get the contact details of your nearest befriender.
If you find it difficult to talk about your feelings then you
can write to ' Faithfully Yours' - a free correspondence service
run by a trained bereavement councillor. Some people find it
much easier to express their emotions in this way and the service
will continue to write back to you as long as you wish.
Contact:
Olwen Parker
15 St Oswalds Crescent
Billingham
Cleveland
TS23 2RW
Alternatively, there are a number of good books on pet
bereavement that will help you understand the whole process and
come to terms with your loss. These should be available from
good bookshops or on loan from your local library.
Handling a pet's death in a positive way with your child will
empower them to handle grief in the future.
Terminology is crucial when talking to children about
death. When explaining pet loss, use the words "death",
"dead", "dying" instead of euphemisms. These are all solid words
that children can wrap their brains around. Be clear and
precise in what you say as children's minds may extrapolate harmful
connotations from sugar-coated explanations.
For example, a common euphemism for euthanasia is 'put to
sleep'. Be careful here as children may begin to think that
being 'put to sleep' at night might be an irreversible
process. Do not tell your children that your pet has run away
or has been given to a friend as this gives your child a different
type of grief. They will wonder why their best friend would
abandon them or why their parents would want to separate them from
a creature that meant so much to them.
If you have decided to have your dog 'put to sleep', suggest the
following:
"Because we love Rover so much we do not want him to
suffer. We are helping him to die because he is experiencing
pain that we can no longer treat".
Talk about the death of a pet before the death occurs.
Invite your child to take part in the decision-making
process. If you do not include your child in this process it
can make them feel completely powerless about what is going on with
their pet. Take your child to the vet's prior to the event
and ask your vet to explain what will happen and how the pet will
look when the process of euthanasia has taken place.
Parents often wonder if a child should be allowed to be with the
pet during death and see the body after the pet is dead. Ask
your child if they want to be there during the euthanasia. If
the parent or child does not want to be there during euthanasia
then an alternative is to go back into the room after the
euthanasia procedure and say goodbye. Seeing the pet is
actually dead often helps give children and parents a sense of
closure.
Showing your grief in front of your child is healthy as
well. Hiding grief might make children wonder why you don't
miss the presence of the pet in the house. This could lead
them to wondering if you would be sad if they died. Grieving and
crying in front of a child validates to the child that these
emotions are ok to express.
Don't forget to memorialise your pet. Plant a tree, put an
engraved stone in your pets favourite spot in the garden and
encourage your child to draw pictures to memorialise their pet's
death which is meaningful to them, and always answer the child's
questions in an honest but straight forward manner.
No one can tell what really goes on inside a dog's head and so
it is impossible to tell if dogs suffer after a loss in the same
way as humans. However, there are often obvious changes in
the behaviour that show that even if they cannot understand the
actual concept of death, they can certainly react to the fact that
their companions are missing.
If you have a remaining dog and are worried that he may be
pining for his deceased companion, do not rush and get a new dog as
a replacement for him unless you are emotionally ready. Apart
from not having the energy to deal with a new dog, you may resent
him for not being/acting like your dog that has recently
died. Your remaining dog may notice the absence of his canine
companion and may show many of the symptoms experienced by a
grieving pet owner, but immediately providing a replacement may not
be the best thing to do for him. So what should you do with a
dog that is affected by the death of another pet?
- Stick to his normal routine as much as possible. Dogs are
creatures of habit and will notice that something is wrong if you
make any changes.
- If your dog is showing behaviour changes such as becoming a
picky eater or suffering from anxiety when left alone, then try not
to reinforce these changes by unintentionally rewarding them.
So don't change his food to suit him or give extra attention than
usual, as this will only exacerbate the problem.
- If you have more than one dog you will need to let them sort
out the new hierarchy by themselves in their own time and then
support the new top dog by feeding, greeting him/her first
etc. Only intervene if absolutely necessary or you may
prolong this natural, but sometimes unpleasant or distressing,
process.
So, when should you get a new dog? Again, this will be
different in every case; some people feel the need to 'replace' a
pet immediately in an attempt to fill the void, whilst others may
feel that they will never be ready to bring another dog into the
house. Generally though, it is a good idea to wait a while to
get another pet as it can be difficult to make sensible decisions
whilst your emotions are in turmoil. A new dog should really
only be acquired because you (and your whole family) are ready to
look forward and build a new relationship with a pet. It
should not be because you are stuck in the past mourning your loss
and trying to regain what you had with your much-loved deceased
companion. Inevitably this only leads to disappointment and
heartache for you and your new dog.
Once you have decided that the time is right, how should you go
about choosing a new dog? It may be a good idea to get a very
different type or different looking dog from your previous pet as
this may help you to avoid making unfair comparisons with him or
her. You may want to consider adopting an unwanted dog from a
Rehoming organisation as a living tribute to your pet's memory.
Try to treat your new pet as an individual character and avoid
making any comparisons or assumptions about his behaviour. If
you have acquired a new puppy after losing a much older pet, then
try to remember that your previous dog also caused a few problems
and disruption at that age. Remember that you will have to do
everything from scratch again - you can't expect a new dog
immediately to know your routine or be trained to the same
standard. If a little 'accident' on the carpet automatically
reduces you to tears, then it will have to make adjustments to
compensate. Remember that you won't necessarily bond with the
new dog straight away - so don't expect too much too soon. It
may take weeks, months or even years before you can feel even half
as much love for this dog as you did for your previous one.
If you feel that you cannot bear to go through the pain of
losing another dog one day, then try to consider that this time of
pain is very short compared to the years of wonderful companionship
that a dog can provide you with. However, if you are adamant
about this, but would still like to have dogs in your life, then
there are alternatives. Perhaps you could offer to walk a
neighbour's dog or volunteer at a local re-homing centre.
Some re-homing organisations, like the NCDL, have sponsor schemes
where you pay a little a week towards the upkeep of dogs that will
have difficulty being re-homed. You will be sent updates on
your chosen dog's progress and often you are able to visit your
sponsor dog and even take him for walks. This way you are
able to be a dog 'owner', without the possibility of becoming too
attached and suffering such a massive loss again in the
future. Perhaps this way, in time you will feel ready again
to welcome another dog into your life.
Amongst the most touching words ever written for pet owners is a
Dog's Prayer by Beth Norman Harris. The prayer brings tears to the
eyes of anyone who has loved and cared for an animal.
"Treat me kindly, my beloved master, for no heart in all the
world is more grateful for kindness than the loving heart of me. Do
not break my spirit with a stick, for though I should lick your
hand between the blows, your patience and understanding will more
quickly teach me the things you would have me do.
Speak to me often, for your voice is the world's sweetest music,
as you must know by the fierce wagging of my tail when your
footstep falls upon my waiting ear.
When it is cold and wet, please take me inside, for I am now a
domesticated animal, no longer used to bitter elements. And I ask
no greater glory than the privilege of sitting at your feet beside
the hearth.
Though had you no home, I would rather follow you through ice
and snow than rest upon the softest pillow in the warmest home in
all the land, for you are my god and I am your devoted
worshipper.
Keep my pan filled with fresh water for although I should not
reproach you were it dry, I cannot tell you when I suffer thirst.
Feed me clean food, that I might stay well, to romp and play and do
your bidding, to walk by your side, and stand ready, willing and
able to protect you with my life should your life be in danger.
And, beloved master, should the great master see fit to deprive
me of my health or sight, do not turn me away from you. Rather hold
me gently in your arms as skilled hands grant me the merciful boon
of eternal rest --- and I will leave you knowing with the last
breath I drew, my fate was ever safest in your hands."
Old Drum - Senator George Vest's tribute to the dog
1870
It is strange how tenaciously popular memory clings to the bits
of eloquence men have uttered, long after their deeds and most of
their recorded thoughts are forgotten, or but indifferently
remembered. However, whenever and as long as the name of the late
Senator George Graham Vest of Missouri is mentioned it will always
be associated with his love for a dog.
Many years ago, in 1869, Senator Vest represented in a lawsuit;
a plaintiff whose dog "Old Drum" had been wilfully and wantonly
shot by a neighbour. The defendant virtually admitted the shooting,
but questioned to the jury the $150 value plaintiff attributed to
this mere animal. To give his closing argument, George Vest rose
from his chair, scowling, mute, his eyes burning from under the
slash of brow tangled as a grape vine. Then he stepped sideways,
hooked his thumbs in his vest pockets, his gold watch fob hanging
motionless, it was that heavy. He looked, someone remembered
afterwards, taller than his actual 5 feet 6 inches, and began in a
quiet voice to deliver an extemporaneous oration. It was quite
brief, less than 400 words:
"Gentlemen of the jury: the best friend a man has in the world
may turn against him and become his worst enemy. His son or
daughter that he has reared with loving care may prove ungrateful.
Those who are nearest and dearest to us, those whom we trust with
our happiness and our good name, may become traitors to their
faith. The money that man has, he may lose. It flies away from him,
perhaps when he needs it the most. A man's reputation may be
sacrificed in a moment of ill-considered action. The people who are
prone to fall on their knees to do us honour when success is with
us may be the first to throw the stone of malice when failure
settles its cloud upon our heads.
The one absolutely unselfish friend that a man can have in this
selfish world, the one that never deserts him and the one that
never proves ungrateful or treacherous... is his dog.
Gentlemen of the Jury: a man's dog stands by him in prosperity
and in poverty, in health and in sickness. He will sleep on the
cold ground, where the wintry winds blow and the snow drives
fiercely, if only he may be near his master's side. He will kiss
the hand that has no food to offer he will lick the wounds and
sores that come in encounters with the roughness of the world. He
guards the sleep of his pauper master as if he were a prince. When
all other friends desert he remains. When riches take wings and
reputation falls to pieces, he is as constant in his love as the
sun in its journey through the heavens. If fortune drives the
master forth an outcast in the world, friendless and homeless, the
faithful dog asks no higher privilege than that of accompanying him
to guard against danger, to fight against his enemies, and when the
last scene of all comes, and death takes the master in its embrace
and his body is laid away in the cold ground, no matter if all
other friends pursue their way, there by his graveside will the
noble dog be found, his head between his paws, his eyes sad but
open in alert watchfulness, faithful and true even to death."
The jury deliberated less than two minutes then erupted in joint
pathos and triumph. The record becomes quite sketchy here, but some
in attendance say the plaintiff who had been asking $150, was
awarded $500 by the jury. Little does that matter. The case was
eventually appealed to the Missouri Supreme Court, which refused to
hear it.
Dick Ferguson, the reported shooter of Old Drum, later moved to
Oklahoma, where he himself died of gunshot wounds in the town of
Anadarko
